


All the Songs (Bonus Tracks)

by osaycanyousolo



Series: All the Songs [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-06-05 20:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6721918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osaycanyousolo/pseuds/osaycanyousolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of one shots from the All the Songs Make Sense universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Was Always You

**Author's Note:**

> Hope and Kelley go to dinner on their first date at the Space Needle restaurant after the last chapter of All the Songs Make Sense.
> 
> It was always you  
> Can't believe I could not see it all this time,  
> It was always you  
> Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied,  
> It was always you  
> No more guessing who  
> Looking back now I know it was always you  
> \- It Was Always You by Maroon 5

            Hope sat down at the small table next to the window of the SkyCity restaurant at the top of the Space Needle and sucked in a gasp at the view of the Seattle cityscape, the lights of the skyscrapers glowing in the distance. She looked back at Kelley with surprise. “It’s my favorite view!” she exclaimed gleefully.

            “No way, is it?” Kelley replied, eyes wide in wonder as she pushed up out of her chair to take in the view better. She looked back to Hope, her smile wide and incredulous, with a hint of playfulness.

            Hope smiled back and nodded, “Must have been fate.”

            “Must have been,” Kelley agreed with a smug smile.

            “Did you plan this?” Hope asked, tilting her head and squinting her eyes at the younger woman.

            “Um, no?” Kelley responded, barely able to keep her smile off her face. When Hope narrowed her eyes at her, she caved, “Ok, so maybe when I checked in for our reservation, I may have mentioned that we’d like a table on this side.”

            Hope laughed and fixed Kelley with an adoring look, “This is pretty amazing you know. I’ve never eaten here.”

            “What a coincidence! Me either,” Kelley joked and snorted a laugh.

            “Shut up, I was being serious,” Hope rolled her eyes at the forward, but was still unable to contain the smile on her face. It had been plastered there since the younger woman told her she loved her.

            “As was I!” Kelley exclaimed in mock offense, going as far as placing her hand over her heart.

            Hope shook her head at Kelley, who smiled back widely, and sighed. The waiter came over and took their drink orders. After he left Hope looked at Kelley for a moment and somewhat shyly asked, “So this is really happening, right?”

            Sensing the seriousness of Hope’s question, Kelley swallowed and nodded, “Yes, it really is. I was honestly not sure if we’d ever get here, but I’m really glad we are.”

            “Me too,” Hope replied, her voice low and conspiratorial. She met Kelley’s eyes and felt the corners of her mouth quirk up. “So you’re dying to tell me how you set all this up aren’t you.”

            “Oh my god yes!” Kelley hissed, her voice growing higher in pitch as the words ran together.

            “Well, you’re going to have to wait until after we order because I’m starving,” Hope laughed, teasing the younger woman.

            “Ugh, not fair!” Kelley retorted, picking up her menu. She scanned it and put it down quickly.

            “Do you seriously already know what you want?” Hope asked her raising a slender eyebrow.

            Kelley smirked and replied, “I may have looked at the menu before I made the reservation and already decided what I wanted.”

            “So you’re having the short ribs?” Hope asked innocently.

            Kelley regarded her for a moment, eyes narrowing in suspicion. “It’s possible,” she replied with a huff.

            Hope snorted a laugh, “Good to know you are still so predictable.”

            “I am not!” Kelley said adamantly, scrunching up her nose.

            “Yes, it appears that you are,” Hope countered, wagging her head back and forth in jest.

            “Prove it,” Kelley challenged, leaning forward, her forearms resting on the table.

            “Oh I will. Later,” Hope said with a knowing smirk, her eyebrows raised suggestively.

            Kelley froze and stared at Hope, her mind working furiously behind her eyes, a faint blush pinkening her cheeks. She swallowed thickly before leaning back in her chair and raised an eyebrow at Hope. Finally, she said, “For your information, I am a southern belle and I will have you know that I don’t put out on the first date.”

            “Mh, is that right Miss O’Hara? Well I never said when later. I just said later, so you’ll just have to wait,” Hope said, her eyes twinkling in challenge.

            Kelley raised both eyebrows and licked her lips in preparation for a response, but was silenced by the arrival of the waiter. They ordered quickly, with Kelley indeed ordering the short ribs and Hope stifling a laugh into her wine glass. When the waiter walked away, Kelley turned back to Hope and shot her a pleading look. “Can I puh-lease tell you now?” she begged.

            “Um, not yet,” Hope replied, setting down her wine glass. “I need to explain myself first.”

            “Explain yourself?” Kelley asked, abandoning her begging.

            “Yes, I need to tell you why I ran out of your house like an idiot. I want to be honest with you this time. I think it’s important if this is going to work,” she said, looking down at the table briefly, before looking back at Kelley.

            Kelley nodded and picked up her wine glass. “Ok, I’m ready,” she said, taking a sip. “As long as there’s no apologizing.”

            Hope sighed, “Kell I’ve done a lot of shitty things. You’re going to have to let me apologize sometimes.”

            Kelley nodded thoughtfully before answering, “You’ve made all of your apologies. And you don’t need to apologize for freaking out when we kissed. But if you ever do need to apologize for something I’ll let you know, ‘kay?”

            “Ok,” Hope agreed, a small smile tugging at her lips, her eyes full of adoration. “But really, I feel like I owe you an explanation. I ran out because I knew if I stayed we would just fall into our old pattern and I didn’t want that. We could never have had this. And honestly at the time I didn’t think we ever could, but I didn’t want to ruin the chance.”

            “Mh,” Kelley responded thoughtfully. “So you’re saying you ran out against your will?”

            “Something like that,” Hope laughed, shaking her head at Kelley’s simplicity. “No, I just knew that if I stayed I’d wonder if we could have had something real. If you really felt the way I did or if it was just a rebound.”

            “You’re definitely not a rebound,” Kelley replied quietly, setting down her wine glass, her eyes seeking Hope’s in earnest.

            Hope nodded and tore her eyes away from Kelley’s momentarily. She took in a deep breath and continued, “Well that was my worry at the time. I wasn’t sure then how you felt and you had just gotten out of a relationship. So when you asked me to stay and then you kissed me, my first thought was that maybe it was just a hook up.”

            “You were never just a hook up,” Kelley told her, shaking her head.

            “Yeah, well neither were you, but sometimes the lines were blurry. But yeah, you kissed me, I freaked out and then ran. I’m sorry for that. I thought my running away days were in the past,” Hope replied, looking down at the table in embarrassment.

            “You make it sound way more dramatic than it was. I asked you to stay and then I kissed you and then you broke off the kiss and told me why and then you left. I will admit that you hustled down the stairs, but it’s not like you fled,” Kelley snorted.

            “I did hustle down the stairs,” Hope laughed, taking a sip of wine, her eyes twinkling in amusement.

            “Well you are quite the athlete as I recall. It was graceful. But after you left I started thinking about what you said and you were right. We’d never done this for real. We were all about sneaking around and keeping secrets, not having anything remotely real. So yeah, I kicked myself later for trying to seduce you that night. Especially because I wanted something real. We’d just never tried. It was never the right time. So I cooked up this whole scheme as a grand romantic gesture,” Kelley admitted, a smirk emerging from the corner of her mouth.

            “Mm, well it was a good one,” Hope said with a smile of her own.

            Kelley’s response was momentarily interrupted by the arrival of their dinner. Hope chuckled quietly as Kelley warred with her desire to tell her story and her desire to tear into her short ribs. Ultimately the story had to wait as she picked up her fork and quickly dug in. A small moan of pleasure escaped her and Hope raised a slender eyebrow in her direction. “Oh my god this is to die for,” she told the older woman.

            “Worth making me wait to hear how you cooked this up?”  Hope asked, her voice teasing and happy, a sound Kelley thought she could get used to hearing.

            “Yes, yes, very much so yes,” Kelley replied as she shoved another bite into her mouth. Hope laughed and tilted her head appreciatively at Kelley, which made Kelley pause mid-chew. “What?”

            Hope shook her head and laughed. “Nothing,” she responded. “You’re adorable.”

            Kelley’s cheeks pinked slightly at the compliment and she swallowed her bite. “I don’t think you’ve ever said that to me before,” she said quietly, her shy smile lighting up her face.

            Hope felt color rising in her own cheeks, but played it off, “Then I’ve been remiss. You were saying? Something about a romantic gesture?”

            “Mmhm, hold on,” Kelley muttered before shoving another bite in her mouth. Hope shook her head and took a bite off her own plate, barely taking her eyes off Kelley. When the younger woman finally swallowed a healthy sip of wine, she continued, “Yeah so where was I? Right, so I figured I’d ask Pinoe for advice since she knows you and the city so well, but you were there too so I figured I’d just ask you, but I was nervous about it because I didn’t want to tip you off, so in hindsight, I should have just asked Pinoe later.”

            Hope smiled at Kelley’s rambling and replied, “Yeah, I thought maybe you were asking because you were moving on and asking someone out.”

            “Yeah well funny how I was trying to ask you out, but anyway, Pinoe told me how it came off later, so I decided to write you that letter and just put it all out there. And you know Pinoe, she was all for a dramatic gesture,” Kelley explained.

            Hope snorted a laugh and rolled her eyes at Megan’s involvement. “That sounds like her. So did you run this whole thing by her?” she asked.

            “Well I didn’t plan to, but Pinoe said she wouldn’t help me unless I laid out the whole plan and she had what she called ‘creative control,’” Kelley replied, her fingers curling up in air quotes at the end.

            “Of course. She had advice for me too. I will spare you the details, but it was basically along the lines of ‘woman up,’” Hope responded, using air quotes of her own.

            “Freaking Pinoe,” Kelley laughed. “So yeah, I gave her the letter and came up here and fretted until you showed up.”

            “I’m sorry that I kept you waiting,” Hope said softly, her voice serious and apologetic.

            “You’re worth the wait,” Kelley replied confidently. “But really, I was up here longer than I needed to be and I’m glad you took some time to think about it. I kinda said a lot.”

            “You did,” Hope agreed. “Ultimately I was just happy you felt the same way I did. That took a minute to sink in.”

            “I imagine it did. I didn’t give you much indication. Especially after you sort of told me how you were feeling in your backyard that night. Maybe if I had you wouldn’t have thought I was trying to pick up someone else,” Kelley laughed quietly.

            Hope offered a small shrug in response. “Maybe, but I think we are on the same page now,” she said.

            “Me too. And what an amazing page it is,” Kelley smiled, raising her glass. Hope nodded, a grin spreading slowly on her face, and raised her glass to meet Kelley’s. They finished their meal, enjoying each other’s company and laughing at their shared interactions with Pinoe throughout their whole ordeal. They decided they owed the midfielder a debt of gratitude and a little bit of a hard time for her interference.

            As the evening wound down, they were reluctant to end the night, but finally decided they had to, as it was the eve of a game night. They made their way back toward the ground, their hands interlaced, both lost in their own happiness. When they stepped out into the night air back on the ground, Hope asked, “Hey so where did you park?”

            Kelley chuckled before replying, “Um, so I took an Uber in hopes that you’d drive me home and walk me to my door.”

            Hope laughed and squeezed Kelley’s hand, “Sure. I’m having déjà vu. Haven’t we done this before?”

            Kelley fought to keep the smirk off of her face, but ultimately lost. “Maybe,” she shrugged. Hope shook her head and offered Kelley an amused smile. They walked leisurely to Hope’s SUV, neither wanting the night to end.

            They arrived at Kelley’s apartment much too quickly for their liking, continuing their conversation long after Hope had parked and turned off the engine. Kelley made the mistake of glancing at her watch and frowned. Hope patted her leg, “It’s getting late, you should get going. Harvey will kill me if she finds out I kept you out this late.”

            “Ugh, yeah,” Kelley agreed. “Walk me to me door?”

            “Of course,” Hope replied, a twinge of nervousness in her voice. She swallowed it down and stepped out of the SUV. Her heart hammered in her chest as they walked up the steps to Kelley’s door. She chastised herself for being nervous, it was just Kelley after all. That thought made her smile. She turned to face the younger woman, who was smiling obnoxiously at her, and said, “So…”

            “So,” Kelley responded, her eyes twinkling with mirth. “I had a nice time.”

            “You’re such a dork, shut up,” Hope laughed, her nerves slowly leeching away. “So what happens now?”

            “I don’t know what happens tomorrow or the next day or what we tell anyone, but we can figure that out later. I think this is the part where you kiss me,” Kelley breathed, her voice softening as she grew playful.

            “Oh yeah, is that how this works?” Hope asked, pulling Kelley toward her. She felt a faint vibration as Kelley wrapped her arms around her. “Was that your phone?”

            “Yeah,” Kelley laughed, leaning back and looking up into Hope’s eyes. “It’s probably Pinoe. She’s most likely freaking out by now.”

            “Yeah she’s texted me seven times and called twice,” Hope replied, rolling her eyes at their nosy friend.

            “Of course she has. She’s been blowing up my phone for the last hour. Do you want to deal with her or do you want me to?” Kelley asked.

            “I’d love to let her sit and wonder, but she’s relentless and she’ll call every half hour if we don’t respond. I’ll call her on the way home. Better text her though so she leaves you alone,” Hope advised.

            “Good call. Now where were we?” Kelley responded, her eyebrows raised, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

            “Here,” Hope replied, leaning down and meeting Kelley’s lips with her own in a soft kiss. They stood at the top of the stairs lost in one another until the slamming of a car door returned them to their senses. Hope smiled against Kelley’s lips and slowly pulled away. “Goodnight Kell.”

            Kelley’s hazel eyes were slightly dazed as they met Hope’s. “Goodnight Hope,” she replied, an air of amazement coloring her voice.

            Hope reluctantly released her hold on Kelley, immediately feeling the void left by the absence of the younger woman. She stepped back and said, “See you tomorrow,” with a conspiratorial wink.

            Kelley laughed and nodded, “See ya.” She put her hands in her pockets, suddenly cold without Hope’s arms around her. She watched her walk slowly down the stairs and into the night, unable to wipe the smile from her face, knowing that this time, Hope’s walking away was only temporary.


	2. Let It Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope stargazes after the tie with Japan. Kelley is called in to talk with her. 
> 
> June 2016, two months before Rio. The beginning of Hope's decision to retire after the Olympics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So come on let it go  
> Just let it be  
> Why don't you be you  
> And I'll be me  
> Everything's that's broke  
> Leave it to the breeze  
> Why don't you be you  
> And I'll be me  
>  \- Let It Go by James Bay

_June 2016_

_Colorado_

Kelley took a deep breath before knocking on the hotel door. Her heart sped up as she heard footsteps and then the hard click of the door handle. A very worried Ali Krieger appeared, looking back behind her before stepping out into the hall.

            “Thanks for coming,” Ali said quietly.

            “Yeah totally. What’s going on?” Kelley replied, motioning with her head toward the door.

            “I don’t know exactly. She doesn’t look good. She left for a bit and then came back about an hour ago. She’s been sitting on the balcony ever since. I asked her if she was ok, but she just kind of sighed. I’ve never seen her like this before,” Ali told her, worry creasing her brow.

            Kelley sighed, “I think I have. Sounds like the Canada game.”

            “The what?” Ali asked, clearly confused.

            “It’s a long story. Let me go talk to her. This may take a while though,” Kelley said, motioning for Ali to open the door.

            “Ok, you know where I’ll be. Just text me if you think you’re gonna stay,” Ali replied, opening the hotel door for Kelley. Kelley stepped through and took stock of the room. Ali’s side was clearly Ali’s, her stuff all over, but the other half of the room looked barely lived in. Ali noticed Kelley’s worried look and said, “Thanks again Kell. Normally I’d call Carli, but you’re the next best option.”

            “Yeah,” Kelley nodded absently. She abruptly turned back to the defender and said, “Hey Kriegs, are we cool?”

            Ali stopped with her hand on the door, she slowly turned back to Kelley and nodded solemnly, “Yeah, we’re cool. This sucks, but we can’t blame each other right?”

            “Yeah. Thanks,” Kelley replied. Ali nodded again and left the room. Kelley squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She could see the top of Hope’s head through the window. She was apparently sitting on the ground, leaning up against the wall underneath the window.

            Kelley made her way toward the door and quietly slipped outside. She leaned up against the railing, not yet acknowledging Hope, and looked out at the night sky. The clear Colorado night was filled with stars, in spite of the ambient light of civilization. Kelley knew from the second Japan had scored their third goal that Hope would be stargazing tonight.

            “So the roof was locked huh?” Kelley asked quietly as her eyes continued to drink in the twinkling sky.

            “Yeah,” Hope grunted in response.

            Kelley took her grunt as an invitation and turned toward the keeper. Hope was clearly withdrawn, her knees tucked up to her chest, her head leaning back against the ledge of the window. Her eyes darted to Kelley briefly and then back to the night sky. “That looks really uncomfortable,” Kelley told her.

            “It is,” Hope replied.

            Kelley shook her head and sat down next to the older woman. She leaned her head back against the wall, mirroring the keeper. “You know this-” Kelley started, but was quickly cut off.

            “Don’t,” Hope interjected, shaking her head.

            “But it’s not your fault,” Kelley pointed out, determined to get through to Hope.

            “I know. And actually, that second goal was mostly your fault,” Hope snorted, a ghost of a smile passing over her lips.

            Kelley gasped and quickly scoffed, “How dare you!”

            “I’m just kidding Kell. I just didn’t play great ok? And I haven’t been playing great. I haven’t played great since last summer,” Hope replied dejectedly.

            “Bullshit. You were terrific both in qualifiers and She Believes. You saved our asses in that France game. Carli still owes you,” Kelley argued. She turned her head to face Hope, who was now looking at the ground. Her face hard with frustration.

            “I just don’t get it. I feel fine. I feel great actually. It’s just lately when I get in the box, I’m just a step too late or I guess the wrong way or I miss something. I just can’t get my head on straight,” Hope confided. She turned to Kelley, her face still tight, but her eyes softened by a hint of emotion.

            “Hope you have to stop doing this to yourself. You haven’t lost anything. You’ve just been through a lot in the last few months. And you were injured before. You will be fine in Rio. I know it. Stop being so goddamn dramatic,” Kelley huffed. Hope snorted in response. “For fuck’s sake, what would Grandma Alice say?” Kelley asked quietly.

            Hope sighed. “She’d probably tell me to get my shit together and keep fighting. She really liked you, you know. She called you ‘that feisty little Kelley,’” she replied sadly.

            “I’m sorry she’s gone Hope. I know how much you loved her. And I know how well you want to play for her,” Kelley said, pausing briefly to rest her hand on Hope’s knee. “But we all had a shitty game. Me included. I will admit that. At least the internet isn’t calling for your head.”

            “Yeah well the internet is usually calling for my head, so that’s a nice change of pace. Don’t let them get to you. You’ve been playing well. You and Krieger are both deserving of starting spots, so whatever. Plus, it’s not like you did anything other than show your worth,” Hope replied, anger lacing her tone.

            “Yeah well tell that to the contingent of Krieger lovers. And her brother for that matter,” Kelley lamented.

            “Yeah well Kyle Krieger can suck my dick. He clearly-” Hope started angrily, but was cut off by a cackle from Kelley.

            “Oh my god,” she gasped, laughter shaking her body. The mental picture I just got from that. Kyle sucking your dick! Oh my god!”

            “Whatever, he can totally suck my dick. He should know how this works by now. He can’t blame you for giving Ali a run for her money,” Hope retorted, a smile spreading across her face as she took in Kelley’s form gasping for air amid her laughter.

            Kelley couldn’t help but lean into Hope, her laughter still shaking her body. “Oh my god,” she said, finally getting control over herself. “I don’t think you said it loud enough. I don’t think the whole hotel heard you.”

            “Oh yeah?” Hope asked, before cupping her hand to her mouth and bellowing, “Kyle Krieger can suck my dick!”

            “Hope! Stop!” Kelley gasped, her hand immediately covering the keeper’s mouth. Kelley could feel Hope’s smile grow underneath her hand. Hope nipped at Kelley’s fingers, causing her to pull her hand away quickly with a shout.

            Hope’s response was lost with the sound of the balcony door next to them opening loudly. Pinoe’s blond head appeared and she loudly asked, “Who is out here talking about sucking dicks?”

            Hope smirked and raised her hand, “Me.”

            “Solo, whose dick are you sucking?” Pinoe asked, her hands on her hips. Heather peaked out from behind her, clearly intrigued.

            “I am sucking no one’s dick. I was merely stating that someone’s brother can suck mine if he can’t keep his mouth shut,” Hope replied calmly.

            “Ok, fair enough. Next time I see Kyle, I will pass along your offer,” Pinoe said, trying desperately to keep a straight face. Heather smirked and nodded behind her.

            “Thanks Pinoe. You do that,” Hope responded, offering a head nod.

            “Alright, mystery solved. Let’s go,” Heather said, grabbing Pinoe by the sleeve.

            “Night guys!” Pinoe said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at her teammates.

            “Goodnight,” they chorused as Heather dragged Pinoe back inside their room.

            They sat in silence, Kelley still leaning against Hope. Their eyes both turned toward the darkened sky. As Kelley shifted to stand up Hope said, “Sometimes I just want to let it all go, you know?”

            “What do you mean?” Kelley asked, sitting back down and facing the keeper.

            “You know, like let the past be in the past. Start over. Be someone new. Do something different. I don’t know what I’m looking for, but something new,” Hope explained quietly.

            “You’ve been through a lot in the last few years. I expect it’s normal to feel that way. Maybe you’ll feel differently after Rio. You know, when the pressure is off,” Kelley replied, her eyebrows knit in worry. There was something different in Hope’s expression. Absent was the normal determination these kind of conversations brought. It was replaced instead by a weariness.

            “Mh, maybe,” Hope replied quietly, turning her eyes back to the stars.


	3. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley goes to Costa Rica with Ashlyn after the Olympics to shake off the loss.
> 
> October 2016 After Hope has left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't win, I can't reign  
> I will never win this game without you, without you  
> I am lost, I am vain,  
> I will never be the same without you, without you  
>  \- Without You by David Guetta

_October 2016_

            Kelley sat alone on the Costa Rican beach, allowing the sea breeze to dry the moisture that gathered in her eyes. Dusk was closing in on her, darkening the waves that crashed in front of her. She sipped slowly from the longneck bottle, the content of which had grown warmer since she’d sat down. She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting on the beach by herself, but it was long enough to spiral into feeling the things she’d been avoiding by going on this surfing trip in the first place. She hastily wiped away the tears before they could spill over and loosed a long sigh.

            Two months ago everything had been different. She’d been the starting right back on the national team in the Olympics. Now it was all gone. They’d lost. Her last chance at a medal was gone. Her position on the national team might be gone. All hope was gone. And Hope was gone. Kelley thought maybe she should have seen it coming, seen the writing on the wall. But she hadn’t. Now it was too late.

            She let their last encounter wash over her. Crashing through her mind like the waves in front of her. Her anger at Hope. Hope’s resignation of defeat. The finality of the car door as it shattered her heart into pieces. The hole that was left was all she had. She’d tried to shake it off. Let the anger ride out the hurt, but it didn’t last long. The finality of it all was what loomed over her. Now she was left wondering what was next. What was the next thing in her life to go?

            “Hey bud,” Ashlyn said quietly from behind her. The keeper gave Kelley a second to wipe her eyes again before sitting down next to her. “I brought you a refill. I figured you could use another.”

            Kelley took the cold beer with a nod of thanks. She set the nearly empty one in the sand at her side and took a long sip. Ashlyn sat quietly next to her, watching the waves crash onto the beach.

            “So, want to talk about it?” she finally asked, her eyes still on the darkening horizon.

            “Not particularly,” Kelley muttered, her hand tracing shapes in the sand.

            “Good, because I didn’t particularly want to hear about it actually,” Ashlyn retorted with a smirk.

            Kelley snorted a laugh, “Thanks dude,” she replied.

            Ashlyn nodded and smiled at the younger player. Her face grew solemn and she took a deep breath. “Look Kelley, I don’t know what happened after the Olympics, but I do know that whatever it was hurt you. And I don’t want to pry, but I’m worried and I’m here if you need me ok?”

            Kelley nodded and said, “Thanks Ash.”

            “Yeah no problem,” the keeper replied quietly as she ran a hand through her newly shorn hair. “It’s been a rough year for a lot of us. This trip was supposed to be an awesome getaway, but maybe it just gives a chance to re-center you know? Figure out what’s important and all that.”

            “Yeah,” Kelley responded, her voice husky with emotion. She shook it off and cleared her throat. “Hey I’m sorry about you and Ali. I’m sure you guys will get back together soon.”

            “Yeah well,” Ashlyn shrugged, looking away. “We’ll see. It was a long time coming. She’s just fine without me.”

            “But you’re not,” Kelley pointed out.

            “But I’m not,” Ashlyn repeated. “It is what it is you know? I love her, but there’s just a lot of old crap between us right now. Stuff that we couldn’t quite figure out.”

            “I’m sorry Ash,” Kelley said again, patting her friend on the knee.

            “Yeah, me too,” Ashlyn responded, her eyes searching the twilight sky. After a few minutes of quiet reflection, she said, “For what it’s worth, I miss Hope too. It was hard for all of us.”

            Kelley swallowed thickly and then raised her eyebrows at her friend in silent challenge.

            “What?” Ashlyn replied, throwing up her hands in surrender. “Come on Kelley, since I’ve known you guys, you’ve been following her around like a puppy. I don’t pretend to know the whole story, but I know that.”

            Kelley shook her head and pushed more sand around. Finally, she said, “It was complicated and now it’s not anymore.”

            “Mh,” Ashlyn muttered, her lips tight as she soaked that in. “And I suppose you still don’t want to talk about it?”

            “Nope,” she said simply. She picked up a pebble and chucked it as far as she could into the ocean. “It’s in the past. I just have to find a way to move forward.”

            “Ok, that’s fair,” Ashlyn replied. She sighed and stood up. “Dinner’s soon I hear. Want me to come back and get you?”

            “Nah, I’m coming in a minute,” Kelley replied, looking up at the keeper towering over her. She swallowed back the emotion as she saw the look of concern on her friend’s face. “I’m ok, really. Thanks Ash.”

            “Anytime,” Ashlyn said, offering Kelley a pat on the shoulder before heading back in toward the house.

            Kelley sighed and took another sip of beer. She couldn’t help but be angry with herself. Angry that she’d let it get this far. That she’d let her feelings get so deep. That she hadn’t thought through the consequences. They’d been playing a very dangerous game for a very long time and now it was over. And Kelley knew she’d lost. All that was left was to clear the scoreboard and start again.

            She just didn’t quite know how yet.


End file.
